What have I let myself in for?
I finished my interview with Isik Tlabar, transformation coach and breathwork facilitator, where I learned all about the benefits of using breathe to release emotions. Now it was time for me to experience it, and I suddenly became very nervous!
What Isik had taught me made complete sense. Emotions are energy in motion and if we don’t feel them and release them, we trap them in our body. But now it became very real. These were MY trapped emotions. As intrigued as I was, I was also very scared about what may come out. What would I need to face which I had been repressing? And how could I let it out front of another person?
Isik immediately sensed my trepidation and put me at ease. She explained how the session would run and how I would use breathe and movement to free the emotions. The good part was that I did not have to re-live the event that lead me to suppressing the emotion, I just needed to allow the emotion to be expressed so that it could pass. She showed me movements to safely release the emotions out, such stomping, banging my fists into pillows and shaking.
Let the breathing begin
I laid down on a comfortable, pillow-filled bed, in the calming sanctuary of her living room. As Isik guided me through some simple breathing to relax me, I somehow knew everything was going to be fine. Isik has an incredibly energy that nurtures and supports you, providing pure love without judgement. I could let myself go and explore the journey Isik would take me on.
The music begins and I sink into myself. The soundtrack, I later realise, is an epic journey, an incredible compilation Isik has put together which perfectly accompanies the process we would go through. With different breathing techniques, such as panting, or deeper continuous in-out breathing, strange things started to happen.
I felt frustration coming out of me. My arms wanted to shake, my head moved side to side and my legs kicked out. Waves of annoyance filled me. I became incredibly mad, a real kind of angry, hate filled mad and I screamed and screamed, and my body flailed about. Isik held the space for me and let me express what needed to come out. She neither consoled nor comforted me but was just with me and allowed me to go through what I needed without judgement.
Different emotions kept pouring out of me. I have no idea how long the process lasted, maybe an hour or hour and a half. In between emotional releases, Isik would return me to the breathing to guide me through the process. As I had also given her permission to touch my body, she would work with me to release and channel the emotions through energy healing.
At one stage, I found myself on my back with my knees bent and legs raised. I felt a deep groaning and a desire to push, like being in labour. This was actually a very powerful release for me, and in discussing with Isik after, it can be common with women for various reasons. For me, it released the tension I had put on myself, for not wanting to be a mother.
I also had an amazing release of laughter, deep gratifying belly chuckles that seemed to go on and on. And when this subsided, I was overwhelmed by a very low and sorrowful weeping. Tears softly rolled down my cheeks, and I wept for my loss and my pain. I cried for the younger me who had been subject to my own torment of self-hatred. I felt her pain and sorrow. When I was her, I experienced the emotions of self-hatred, but I had never released how much I had hurt myself too, how much pain was suppressed, because I had behaved that way to myself.
Returning to self
As the sound track completed its epic journey of my emotional release, I lay there and became calm. Isik gently guided me back into the room and to a state of peace in the present moment. I realised just how light I felt. It was like I was carrying around a burden in my body which was just so normal to me, that I didn’t really know it was there. But once it was gone, I felt freed.
I had such a wave of compassion for myself and for my humanness. I felt love and kindness for myself, and understood what I had just given to myself, was an act of self-love. In expressing the trapped emotions, I released myself from their power. I also felt an immense gratitude for Isik, for her to be with me in my suffering and pain, holding a safe space, and allowing my release without judgement. She is an incredibly grounded healing facilitator and I am honoured to have experienced her compassion and kindness.
Breathe with Isik
If you would like to feel lighten and take away past pain and emotional burdens from within your body, you can find Isik on myTOM.
Group Breathwork Sessions from £25.00 One-on-One breathwork Sessions from £80